A little UNIX shell humor

A little UNIX shell humor

NOTE:

% => user must run C-Shell.

$ => user must run Bourne-Shell

% rm meese-ethics

rm: meese-ethics nonexistent

% cd ~god

Unknown user: god.

% ar m God

ar: God does not exist

% ar r God

ar: creating God

% rm God

rm: God nonexistent

% scan for <<"Arnold Schwarzenegger"^J^D

"Arnold Schwarzenegger": << terminator not found

% How would you rate Quayle's incompetence?

Unmatched '.

% ar x "my love life"

ar: my love life does not exist

% ar x "matey, the treasure"

ar: matey, the tresure does not exist

% "How would you rate Reagan's incompetence?

Unmatched ".

% How's my lovemaking?

Unmatched '.

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?

Missing ].

% [Where is my brain?

Missing ].

% ^How did the sex change^ operation go?

Modifier failed.

% ^How did the sex change operation go?

Bad substitute.

% If I had a ( for every $ Congress spent, what would I have?

Too many ('s.

% make love

Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me

bad character

% make fire

Make: Don't know how to make fire. Stop.

% why not?

No match

% got a light?

No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce?

man:: Too many arguments.

% ^What is saccharine?

Bad substitute.

% %blow

%blow: No such job.

% (-

(-: Command not found.

% sh

$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense

no sense in pretending!

$ drink <bottle; opener

bottle: cannot open

opener: not found

% drink yellow_pages

yellow_pages: Is a directory

$ mkdir matter; cat >matter

matter: cannot create

% make sense

make: don't know how to make sense. Stop

% cat "food in cans"

cat: can't open food in cans

% nice man woman

No manual entry for woman.

% !1984

1984: Event not found. # (on some systems)

% cd /tmp

% touch this; chmod 000 this

% ln -s /usr/bin/touch U

% U this

U: cannot touch this: no write permission

% touch me

% chmod 000 me

% touch me

touch: cannot touch me: permission denied

% talk Gorvachev@Kremlin

talk: Kremlin: Can't figure out network address.

% talk Comrade Khruchev

[Your party is not logged on]

make "bottle open"

make "heads or tails of all this"

make love

make mistake

make sense

man woman

man -kisses dog

% echo '[q]sa[ln0=aln256%Pln256/snlbx]sb3135071790101768542287578439snlbxq'|dc

GET A LIFE!

% ping elvis.rice.edu | awk '{print substr($1,1,5), $2, $3}'

elvis is alive

% finger body-of-christ@bread-jar.mass

Unknown host

% finger huge-keg-party@big-house

Unknown host

% make ' ' bang ' ' with gun

make: Fatal error: Don't know how to make target ` '