Computer Knowledge

Computer Knowledge

Path: athena.cs.uga.edu!emory!ogicse!uwm.edu!cs.utexas.edu!uunet!looking!funny-request
From: denelsbe@cs.unc.edu (Kevin Denelsbeck)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: Lessons Learned From Comp 4
Keywords: computer, funny
Message-ID: [S317.5889@looking.on.ca]
Date: 17 Oct 91 10:30:04 GMT
Lines: 97
Approved: funny@looking.on.ca

I recently finished up teaching Comp 4, the computer literacy course here at UNC, during a compressed summer session. Comp 4 is an introductory class that assumes NO knowledge of computers among its students, and believe me when I say that this was often the case. The class was great fun to teach, and one of the facets that made it interesting (day-in and day-out) was the wealth of new knowledge that the students imparted to me on tests and examinations. I thought that I'd share some of these nuggets with you. My comments are in the standard C delimiters (/* and */). *Your* comments are encouraged. Here goes:

• Bacchus invented FORTRAN.
  /* I knew FORTRAN was old, and that it may have been designed under the influence of alcohol, but... */
• There are three kinds of program statements: sequence, repetition, and seduction.
• There are two types of graphics: vector and rascal.
  /* Otay... */
• Programming languages have specifictions.
  /* Obviously this student has dealt with a few standards. */
• Macs are compatible with each other.
  /* Imagine the alternative: "What's your Mac's serial number? We'll go back to the warehouse and get your software." */
• Doctors use computers to create a three demential picture of a person's brain.
  /* Is this classic, or what? */
• One kind of a hostile computer program is a Trojan.
• C is a logical programming language.
  /* [rim shot] */
• Heuristics (from the French heure, "hour") limit the amount of time spent executing something. [When using heuristics] it shouldn't take longer than an hour to do something.
  /* An absolutely terrific "false cognate". */
• Having the computer automatically fill in images for animation is called "spleening".
  /* Derivation: most likely "splines" + "tweening". */
• One method of computer security is a phone line.
  /* She qualified it later by adding, "You have to know the number." */
• Video games are examples of fault-tolerant systems.

On one test, I gave the students some abbreviations and asked them to tell me what they stood for. You won't believe the creativity of a student in a test situation. For example, one of the abbreviations was "fax", which *really* stands for "facsimile". However, various Comp 4'ers said it stood for:

• Fiber-optic Aided Xeroxing
• Frequency Automatic X-rays /* and my favorite... */
• Fast A** Xeroxing

The students also had to hand in term papers, and these were rife with interesting tidbits. I've clipped a few, quoted verbatim:

• "The worst thing the Mac has to offer, is that cooperative multitasking is not available to be used."
• "... footnotes present an interesting problem, which may be solvable by Hypercad."
  /* I assume the last term is the newest rage -- a free-form database for designers. */
• "...Linda, a blind girl, was able to attend public school due to the aid of a speaking computer that taught her the basic fundmamentals [sic] of grammar and spelling."
  /* Linda may want to lend her computer out... */
• "The program is manufactured by Quantel, a Silicon Valley company located in Clearwater, Florida."
  /* A *long* valley, as my roommate put it. */
• "At the beginning of each season [Edwin] Moses teats himself on computerized weight machines..."
  /* Ouch! */

Hope you enjoyed all these. If you've had similar experiences, I'd love to hear about them!

Cheers,

Kev @ UNC