Human DNA

Human DNA

For many years molecular biologists have been mystified by the fact that very little of an organism's DNA seems to serve any useful function.

I have solved the mystery.

The reason why only 30% of human DNA performs any useful function is that the rest of it is comments.

Once we decode a typical human genome, we see that the contents begin as

follows:

/* HUMAN_DNA.H

*

* Human Genome

* Version 2.1

*

* (C) God

*/

/* Revision history:

*

* 0000-00-01 00:00 1.0 Adam.

* 0000-00-02 10:00 1.1 Eve.

* 0000-00-03 02:11 1.2 Added penis code to male version. A bit messy --

* will require a rewrite later on to make it neater.

* 0017-03-12 03:14 1.3 Added extra sex drive to male.h; took code from

* elephant-dna.c

* 0145-10-03 16:33 1.4 Removed tail.

* 1115-00-31 17:20 1.5 Shortened forearms, expanded brain case.

* 2091-08-20 13:56 1.6 Opposable thumbs added to hand() routine.

* 2501-04-09 14:04 1.7 Minor cosmetic improvements -- skin colour made

* darker to match my own image.

* 2909-07-12 02:21 1.8 Dentition inadequate; added extra 'wisdom' teeth.

* Must remember to make mouth bigger to compensate.

* 4501-12-31 14:18 1.9 Increase average height.

* 5533-02-12 17:09 2.0 Added gay option, triggered by high population

* density, to try and slow the overpopulation problem.

* 6004-11-04 16:11 2.1 Made forefinger narrower to fit hole in centre of

* CD.

*/

/* Standard definitions

*/

#define SEX male

#define HEIGHT 1.84

#define MASS 68

#define RACE caucasian

/* Include inherited traits from parent DNA files.

*

* Files must be pre-processed with MENDEL program to provide proper

* inheritance features.

*/

#include "mother.h"

#include "father.h"

#infndef FATHER

#warn("Father unknown -- guessing\n")

#include "bastard.h"

#endif

/* Set up sex-specific functions and variables

*/

#include [sex.h]

/* Kludged code -- I'll re-design this lot and re-write it as a proper

* library sometime soon.

*/

struct genitals

{

#ifdef MALE

Penis *jt;

#endif

/* G_spot *g; Removed for debugging purposes */

#ifdef FEMALE

Vagina *p;

#endif

}

/* Initialization bootstrap routine -- called before DNA duplication.

* Allocates buffers and sets up protein file pointers

*/

DNA *zygote_initialize(Sperm *, Ovum *);

/* MAIN INITIALIZATION CODE

*

* Returns structures containing pre-processed phenotypes for the organism

* to display at birth.

*

* Will be improved later to make output less ugly.

*/

Characteristic *lookup_phenotype(Identifier *i);

...and so on.

[ Note that God uses three-space tabs ]

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