Support- and Helpdesk Stories

Support- and Helpdesk Stories

An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"

Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.

Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.

A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.

Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.

Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell tech referred him to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends," the customer replied. When told Egghead was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks."

Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

A customer called to complain that the cup holder on his PC had broken and stated that the machine was still under warranty. When the tech asked if the cup holder was some sort of promotional item, the customer replied no, it had come with the computer and had a 4X on it. Apparently, the customer had been using the load drawer of his CD-ROM drive as a tray for his coffee, and it had snapped off.

Tech:"Hello, may I help you?"

Customer:"I can't load the Software."

Tech:"Well, double click the icon and see what errors you get."

Customer:"What icon?"

Tech:"The one that says CTO (software's name)"

Customer:"All I have is a black screen with "C:\>"

Tech:"Can I help you?"

Customer:"I'm having a problem installing the program."

Tech:"What seems to be the problem?"

Customer:"It's with the fourth disk."

Tech:"OK - go on."

Customer:"I had a hard time getting the third one in - there's no way I'm going to be able to get the fourth disk in there."

Tech:"Customer Service, How may I help?"

Customer:"I keep getting a message saying 'Drive C Full'"

Tech:"Have you checked to see if Drive C is Full?"

Customer:"No, do you think I should?"

Tech:"What does the screen say now?"

Customer:"It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

Tech:"Well?"

Customer:"How do I know when it's ready?"

Actual dialog of a fired WordPerfect Customer Support employee:

Tech:"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

Customer:"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

Tech:"What sort of trouble?"

Customer:"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

Tech:"Went away?"

Customer:"They disappeared."

Tech:"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

Customer:"Nothing."

Tech:"Nothing?"

Customer:"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

Tech:"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

Customer:"How do I tell?"

Tech:"Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"

Customer:"What's a sea-prompt?"

Tech:"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

Customer:"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

Tech:"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

Customer:"What's a monitor?"

Tech:"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

Customer:"I don't know."

Tech:"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

Customer:"Yes, I think so."

Tech:"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

Customer:"Yes, it is."

Tech:"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

Customer:"No."

Tech:"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

Customer:"Okay, here it is."

Tech:"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

Customer:"I can't reach."

Tech:"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

Customer:"No."

Tech:"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

Customer:"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."

Tech:"Dark?"

Customer:"Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

Tech:"Well, turn on the office light then."

Customer:"I can't."

Tech:"No? Why not?"

Customer:"Because there's a power outage."

Tech:"A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

Customer:"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

Tech:"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

Customer:"Really? Is it that bad?"

Tech:"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

Customer:"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

Tech:"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."