Top 10 signs for a bad technical support

Top 10 signs for a bad technical support

• #10 You: "Point your mouse cursor to the Start button and click on it, then select Settings, then Control Panel. Are you with me?"
  Customer: "What's a mouse?"
• #9 Customer: "My computer stop working about once a week."
• #8 Customer: "Your Windows based software is slow."
• #7 Customer: "My Windows is broken."
• #6 You're supporting adhesive tape products
• #5 Customer: "The ...onnectio... of your phon....roduct... keeps brea...ing up!"
• #4 Customer: "My hard drive's dead and I don't have a backup tape."
• #3 You're supporting a software product which only runs on MS products
• #2 The customer's been yelling over the phone for 4 min. and not yet to the point telling you that what the problem is

And the number 1 sign that you're answering a bad technical support call is...
The contract says: "We answer any questions and it's FREE!"

• #10 TechGuy: "I'm serving another Bozo at the moment, can you call back later please?"
• #9 TechGuy: "How many complaints you've filed vs me? ... None? Call back later please!"
• #8 Answering Machine: "Approx. wait time is ... 45 min." (actual case, guess which big company starts with "M")
• #7 There're TV/radio and baby/child crying sound in the background
• #6 TechGuy: "I don't know what it is, whatever it is it's not our fault!"
• #5 The e-mail support service is an auto-reply e-mail and all it says is how to remove the software product
• #4 TechGuy: "I'm not allowed to talk to strangers, you must prove who you are by faxing a signed contract along with all your finger prints, we'll call you back after your identity is approved."
• #3 Answering Machine: "Press 1 for tech support team leader, 2 for supervisor, 3 for manager or stay on the line for the re-fund representatives."
• #2 The tech support number is a 1-900 number

And the number 1 sign that you're calling a bad technical support service is...
Answering Machine: "Press 1 for complaint or wait for one of our 100 tech support complaint specialist available"

• #10 Who broke it?
• #9 Is your operating system licensed
• #8 Have you bring any software from home and install on the computer?
• #7 Have you registered with us?
• #6 Have you ever follow the proper shutdown procedures?
• #5 Did you remove any important files before you lost that report?
• #4 Is the problem covered by the warranty?
• #3 Have you ever do any maintenance to the computer?
• #2 Did you know what you're doing when the problem occur?

And the number 1 question asked by a technical support representative that you won't answer honestly is...
Have you been trying to fix it by yourself and make it worse before calling us?

• #10 No projector
• #9 Your lecturer spent 2 hours to locate the power switch
• #8 10 students, 10 computers, 10 input ports, 1 output port, 1 manual switch box, 1 monitor
• #7 The photo of the lecturer's professional training ID looks like Linda Carter but your lecturer is a guy
• #6 2 black suit guys with shade are standing at the back of the room
• #5 There is a Chinese restaurant ad. at the back of the certificate they give you
• #4 The internet access is via a proxy server with a 28.8K modem
• #3 No washroom in the building
• #2 The lecturer's hair is pink

And the number 1 sign that you're in a bad IT training class is...
Playboy as mouse pad

• #10 You don't wanna wait for Windows 9x loading!? Don't worry, you can't even get it installed
• #9 It'll work
• #8 Sir, please don't touch that mouse or you'll broke the computer
• #7 We don't have the blue one in stock at the moment
• #6 Do you need insurance with it?
• #5 Do you have life insurance?
• #4 You wanna search? Don't worry, I just have Yahoo installed in it by myself a few minutes ago
• #3 It'll never hault ... (if you can start it up)
• #2 I'm sorry that I forget, do you know how to turn it on?

And the number 1 thing that you don't wanna hear from your computer salesperson is...
You want fries with it?