Is there a Santa Claus

1. No known species of reindeer can fly. But there are over 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer which only Santa Claus has ever seen.
2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. But, since Santa doesn't (appear to) handle the Muslims, Jewish, and Buddest children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household (as Santa Claus is understood to reward only certain religious sects, not keeping with current ideals of political correctness [personal interview, date and time lost]) having good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculation we will accept), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses Space Probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run tops, 15 miles per hour.
4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (2 lbs), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariable decribed as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1 ) could pull ten times the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again for comparison, this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.
5. 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as space craft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250 lbs Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion - If there ever was a Santa Claus and he ever did deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

Found in 1997 in  HUMOR(at)WW
From:  PE1DNN(at)PI8APD.#GLD.NLD.EU